Taxing Attitude

The person who conjures up names for taxes may not be the same person who designs new taxes is a definite conclusion since it would be rare to find a living person with dual lobotomy. That was my line of thought when my son had asked, ‘Are taxes named after the source of the tax or the area funded by the tax?’ Wow. He had analysed it more than I had, perhaps being of the age where the pinch of Income tax, Wealth Tax or even sales tax did not overcome all other analytical senses of the harried taxpayer. Frankly, India rarely named their taxed under any logic other than the source of the tax…. like Income Tax, Sales Tax, Excise etc. Not sparing even the dead, it restrained from calling it the death tax or inheritance tax in which case, it would clearly offend the already grieving relatives, but named it the Estate Tax. We had however a recent ‘Education Cess’ which implied the field of beneficiary which after a year of operation revealed non funding of education.

‘Why is an attitude taxed in US now?’ my son messed up my foregone conclusions. ‘Perhaps, the Banks paid bonus to their Managers despite taking a bailout package from the US Taxpayers which is not a responsible act.’ I summarized. ‘Then it is more appropriate to call it the IRRESPONSIBILITY TAX’ he remarked.

This innocuous observation startled me into the realization that while commercial transactions were hitherto subject to taxation, now, attitudes are subject to taxation. The ball is set rolling by a person none less in stature than the President of United States! When USA does something, it has a far reaching impact all over the world not sparing even India where it is common to denote currency in millions and not just in crores. Perhaps some old fines and penalties may be also renamed even in India as we attempt emulation of USA. Indian tax penalties may perhaps be named as Evasion fee or Concealment fee or dishonest reporting fee? ‘What scares me is the imagination of the taxing authority’. I muttered. In India, cricket is being considered as entertainment just for the levy of additional tax. After the initiation of Responsibility Tax in USA, our legislators will have a free hand and even have new taxes and formats of calculation. They need not hide their fetish needs behind the garb of an established tax. How wild the imagination will run cannot be predicted but we can certainly forecast the definite ones.

Name of the tax: Eye Refreshment Tax

If cricket is entertainment then the Cheerleaders are certainly not sport. Since watching them is a pleasure to most men, watching them should be taxed. This is expected to be calculated as a percentage of payment to the cricket cheerleaders. The number of inches exposed above the knee, or below the neck, will be the basis of the tax. The higher the distance of the start of the uniform from the knee or neck, (slab per centimeter) the higher will be the tax.

Name of the tax: CO2 Tax (also dubbed as alive and breathing tax)

This will be the first tax to be introduced by the Ministry of environment in this century. To be levied per nose. Penalty for contributing to the carbon dioxide of the atmosphere by merely breathing out the Carbon Dioxide. Rates will be highest in metros and none in villages as it is assumed that only farmers live there and since agriculture is never taxed, so, this shall not extend to the villages. The rest of the world is expected to be ‘gasping’ at the innovative spirit of India to contain the Green House effect.

Name of the tax: Aloof witness fine

While some countries are making it compulsory for witnesses to a crime to aid the victim, we shall make that a money spinner instead. All witnesses will pay a token fine for not involving themselves to save the victim. Exempt categories will be the Police and Cabinet ministers. Since Police always arrive last on the scene as depicted in the Hindi movies, it is assumed they are not witness to any incident. Cabinet ministers are busy running (the country) and therefore cannot stop to aid any individual. Rates will vary with the extent of injury with the highest if the victim dies. A ready reckoner will be published each year with the Financial Budget.

Name of the tax: Nil Findings Fine. (also dubbed as Honesty fine)

A survey of the Income Tax and Customs department revealed that 80% of the surveys and raids resulted in nothing unearthed officially. The high cost of such survey/raid had to be borne by the department and thus the citizens till date. Being unfair, the appointed foreign management consultancy firm suggested expenses be recovered from the surveyed/raided person itself. So, in case you are under survey and nothing is found due to your honesty and good housekeeping, a daily charge will be levied. Rates for raids will be 10 times the survey rates since a larger team is mobilized and transport cost is additionally incurred by the Department.

After all the taxes and fines, if you are able to survive, I am sure someone will develop a ‘survival surprise tax’ since it would surprise the authorities how you were able to find money for survival after paying such taxes and fines. Trust me, this is not far from reality because once the corporate tried using every legal angle to save tax and the authorities came up with Minimum Alternate Tax. Since we are working to earn and pay all these taxes, I do not think any one of us should display any resistance since we are earning for the Government anyway.