Convict of use

‘ When commercial BPO employees were found to have perpetuated fraud in the past despite the best security measures, what will be expectation of a BPO run from a Jail?’ asked my son reading the day’s news. I too could not avoid smiling at the irony of the practices of KYE (Know your employee) where other companies made sure their employees did not have criminal records. When the BPO was run by a jail, the qualification to be an employee itself would be to be in jail. How then will they twist the standards of KYE?

The administration issues of such an operation will be quite different from that of known enterprises. What the Jail Administration will have to face is ‘oversupply’ of labour as all Indian jails are known to be overcrowded. Next, the computers will require appropriate clean air conditioned environment. To have a floor without rats and cockroaches running is a luxury for the inmates and since the computer area will be perhaps not only be clean but also carpeted, it will seem like fantasy for most and they will definitely jostle to be appointed to be working there. Since the computer programmers as well as BPO employees are known to have casual dress as the norm, I am sure Mr. Raju will recommend that and the operators will climb out of their uniforms to something more casual!

Those with insomnia due to rats running over them in their sleep can find haven doing the night shift. The cost of dropping home, the BPO staffers will be saved, as the operators will just have to ‘stroll’ over to their work zone that too, under heavy security.

If the ‘experiment’ is a success (and there is no reason why it should not) perhaps all Jail PBOs will do more business than commercial ones. Soon, even the Police will have less work as persons committing a crime no matter how petty, will walk in the nearest police station to confess. It would later transpire that the crime is just an excuse to get into jail to do some BPO work instead of remaining unemployed outside. Very soon, the police stations will be dubbed as BPO Employment centres.

Very soon, the graduation class will have atleast one orientation day for the students to learn how to commit a crime sufficient enough to gain entry into jail an act which should be supported by some bumbling lawyer.

All this should logically make the tax burden higher but in the long run, these jails will make so much money that our taxes will be lowered.

When one BPO exercise tastes success, the Jail authorities will think of a way to employ better, the blue collared criminals. Since the BPO has a Bank as the first customer (see news) a Bank will also be the first customer for the blue collared inmates – to collect overdues. It is naturally more effective when a known criminal gang calls up a defaulting borrower who will sweat just hearing the name and knowing rest of the gang members are still outside the jail.

Consultancy firms will have a field day advising various jails of which best commercial service model they should use. I am sure they will develop more than blue and white collared category and we shall see reference to purple collared too as a reference to with their hand in the till. Here is where my musing stops with the picture of guilty persons of Common Wealth Games. When the dirty dozen are jailed, what commercial activities are they suitable for? Jail Olympics? If so, then surely the high jump will not feature there because during practice, inmates will surely jump over the wall of the jail itself.