Smooth Flying in Turbulence

As the victims of recession got bad publicity on the front page, each reader had his own reaction. My son who is yet a student had his own type of reaction. “Dad, what do you think the airlines will do to save itself?’ ‘What would you suggest as a strategic consultant?’ my son demanded of me. I laughed and said, ‘A consultant never thinks free. Pay fees and I my brain will start clicking.’ ‘Honestly Dad, I would like to follow in your footstep if only you give me chance to partake in simulation exercises like these.’ Having touched a delicate chord of hero worship I relented.

I realized we were talking about the airline known also for the uniforms of its airhostess. Though I was initially tempted to tackle the issue of fuel cost which otherwise was a logical candidate, I was reminded of the axiom of many esteemed corporate managements which was ‘Control controllable costs’ (C3). If you are not a member of OPEC, fuel cost was certainly out of your control. ‘The uniforms are certainly in the control of the management’ son echoed my thoughts. ‘Perhaps they can use lesser cloth’ he suggested, reminding me of the dialogue of a Hindi film Gool-Maal (1st version) ‘But here the saving of cloth would imply raising the hem line which is already at a high level’ I countered emphatically stating that any higher would confuse them with nightclub dancers. ‘What else is possible to save the airlines then?’ As I mused, my son put some random words of industry specific financing together stating that ‘Since the planes are on costly wet lease, convert all plane financing to dry lease’. I almost fell out of my chair laughing at the newly coined term of dry lease as I confessed to him that I would too would understand wet lease for ships but pray who thought to associate this term for vehicles flying in air?

‘Since the airlines are now literally hand to mouth perhaps they should control what they put in the mouths of the passengers’ I said, further suggesting that the 5 star fare could be toned down but not to the level of what an internal flag carrier did 3 decades ago when only 2 biscuits were served in a war time-like situation.

This excited my son to suggest the partial application of the Indian Railway model. This principle seemed too good to be true – to apply a world famous (noted even by Kellog Institute of Management as a case study) Indian transport solution to an Indian transport industry; the difference only being one was surface while the other was air. My son laid bare the plan of the food contractors of the Railway station at Metros where the rent was fixed as a percentage of revenue of the highest earning station and applied across stations. ‘But where are the food contractors in the premises of the airline?’ I asked innocently. He said, ‘Each plane will have to remove 2 pairs of seats forward and aft. Contractors will set up stall in the plane and their rent will increase the cash flow. Besides, the passengers will actually pay to be fed.’ I imagined the scene where one contractor would be selling sandwiches and wafers while the other sold Ragda patties and Wada Pao. My son was not finished as he continued his funding ideas by pasting 2 ft X 4 ft advertisement over the windows inside the cabin as they do in train coaches; adding that in-flight entertainment needs to be sprinkled generously with advertisement which should be priced sky high as the ads will be shown in the sky. Ignoring the pun I appreciated the segment identification of high spenders imagining that producers of cars, diamond jewellery, designer clothes etc. would be titillated at this pre-defined target market.

Perhaps the planes of tomorrow will start looking like trains and will be termed as sky trains. I just wonder how they would address the urge of train travelers to hang outside the compartment for the wind in their face. I felt amused as I mused whether the sky trains would come under the jurisdiction of the Railway Ministry since the vehicles had the suffix of ‘train’? Now wouldn’t that open Pandora ’s Box of fun?