Divine Demat

The month of July is always busy for us Chartered Accountants so it was no surprise to find us working late in the office. I just completed e-filing a return which had failed 3 times for some reasons and went through with lot of prayer. ‘Got a second for me, my son?’ a voice asked in such a volume that I thought it was coming from inside my head. I looked at the dark side of the room and saw an old man standing. Since he identified himself to be God, quite some time was spent to prove that to me that it was not just a surname.

Assuming my time had come to leave this world as any CA would hope for-with his boots on, after filing all the client’s returns, I thanked him for a good life on earth. He smiled, ‘Son, your duty on earth is unfinished so I cannot yet take you in.’ I did not understand so he pointed to the news paper on the desk which proclaimed High Court’s order of debarring Demat account for Hindu Gods. ‘I am a mere mortal while you have greater powers than me.’ ‘You forget my son that in every Hindu Soul lies a God and you have umpteen stories from your grandfather when you were young’ he reminded me. He complained that for centuries, they owned property on earth much beyond the temples that housed them. Their land was tilled and poor were given food to eat. He regaled me on the antique jewellery owned by them to the 20th Century India where even the Gods paid wealth tax!

‘Tell me as a CA, if we are handed PAN Numbers, why not the Demat?’ he asked. I read from the news report, ‘A judge here said that you may not have the acumen to manage a Demat account’ I almost choked as I read it. ‘You think demat was your invention? Who put that idea in your head in the first place? He demanded and I could not agree more. ‘What I think is the fear of Directorship’ He speculated. ‘Huh?’ I was confused. ‘Son, with shares of greater numbers comes seat of Directorship and no matter how talented your mortal Directors are, including the technical Directors, our suggestions will be the only ones that will be accepted because of their success.’ I agreed because only the Gods would know the future. He continued, ‘So if two brothers are fighting over their corporate kingdom, we shall ensure that one is banished to the forest for 14 years while the other continues his reign in peace till his turn comes to live in the forest.’ That will take out the excitement of the Indian Corporate Board is the only thought in my head. ‘Besides, we have specialized Gods who will lead corporate to their new heights of success’ he tried to fill my head with arguments in their favour. ‘Annapurna Devi will head all your food processing companies, Lord Shankar will help your mineral water bottling companies’ he started rattling and I understood. Yet he continued, ‘Ravana will head Gillette’. ‘Why associate him with Gillette razors?’ I had had to ask. ‘With 10 heads equaling to 20 cheeks to shave daily, he is the best R&D to ensure smooth, fast and close shave’ he said the obvious. Before I could ask when Ravana was classified as God, he turned the topic to the sinister word in the judgement.

‘HINDU God is the only one debarred from Demat, did you notice?’ I now peered with tears of a true hindu in my eyes. The partiality now began to hurt. Noticing that I was equally dumbfounded, He said, ‘This is recognition of our power over the Gods of other religions’ now we were entering a religious war. ‘What to do now?’ He demanded answer from me. As a knee jerk reaction I said, ‘Change your religion.’ Believe me, if there was a guffaw that rebounded from earth to sky and back, this was it. It shook the foundations of our building. ‘Son, do not worry, we shall enter the souls of the Directors and thus have what you call a Benami holding in the company which no mortal soul can prove.’