Point of Petrol

While the whole petrol user population of the country was cribbing about the number of changes in prices (all upward) done by the petroleum companies in a year, instead of being apologetic, the companies practiced a Murphy’s law by doing the opposite to shock us all into silence. Thus instead of promising to do just one or two changes in a year instead of the 16 done last year, they actually announced power to revise 24 times – once every fortnight. So in one fell swoop, objections of millions regarding frequent change were silenced.

Now whenever I announce going to the pump to fill up the car, my son advices me to keep sorbitrate in the pocket as well as a bottle of asprin as these are the first to be taken in case of a heart attack and in addition a large card containing the phone number of my cardiologist. All this is to prevent any fatality I may suffer after viewing the current price of petrol. Also, if I was not back in a hour my son was on the standby to rush to the designated petrol pump with an ambulance. Frankly, I just cannot fathom the idea of paying for fuel in one year more than the capital cost of the small car I had purchased just a few years ago before the petroleum decontrol.

I opine, the word ‘de-control’ to be replaced with ‘out-of-control’. To allay their fears I decided that instead of the usual ‘tank full’ I would just mention the last figure of amount I paid for tank full I remembered in the ‘good old days of price control’ and accept what is given. I would probably not notice the increase in frequency per month. But my clever son put his statistical knowledge in use and built a predictability model on the price trends and amount of petrol that would be available for Rs. 2,000. So, from 23 litres in 2011, it would reduce to 7 litres by March 2012 and by August 2012, it would be so low that instead of a pump, the petrol attendant would use a dropper.

I showed the model calculated by my son to my friend who was also a senior Banker and he saw an opportunity in the plight of the common man. I had heard about the term ‘carpet baggers’ but never in my life even thought I would meet one leave alone from my friend circle. Seeing my shocked expression he pacified that his opportunity is a ‘win-win’ situation and not an exploitative one. ‘If you realize you are not able to pay from your limit exceeded credit card and you have to take your family to that wedding of the relative, what will you do?’ he put before me a marketing scenario. ‘We shall open kiosks at petrol pumps and depending upon your car model and requirement we shall have one point loan authorisation for the calculated amount of petrol! I thought to myself, if the car model was one of the determinants for the loan, my 10 year old beat up would not even permit me to write the application form leave alone get a loan.

It was my Banker friend who reminded me that we had a classmate working in high position in one of the petroleum companies and promptly even called him. When I was handed the phone and appraised him of my calling in life as a consultant he was elated. It seems their company was looking for a consultant. I too was happy to earn something for my car instead of just for my human family , after all, the car is an extended family member too. When I met him the situation was a nightmare and they wanted me to contribute to that. It seems none of the petroleum companies were happy with the 15 day mandate for price change. ‘This is too ill frequent’ said the Finance G.M. ‘Everyone knows the prices change daily. Does’nt anyone watch the news?’ I was new to their area of operations so I politely asked them if they had contracted periods and prices fixed for that period with the suppliers. I was greeted with stunned silence and piercing looks so bad that I ensured I kept my mouth shut. ‘Another thing that changes is the Foreign exchange rate and that too every split second.’ said the Operations G.M. Now the Chairman bellowed, ‘All Chairmen of Petroleum companies are meeting the Finance Minister tomorrow and we are demanding that freedom of pricing means full freedom and we can change it any time even hourly if our model of costing so demands’ bellowed a portly looking man seated behind a huge desk.

‘So you want me to develop a model? I asked seeking reason for my presence there. All nodded while the Planning G.M. rattled, ‘the model must have real time trend changes in crude prices and FE rates along with our budgeted costs for the period and determine rates to ensure the set profit rate per 15 minute time span.’ Wow I thought what a detailed brief. The finance G.M. was obsessed with the word ‘real time’ cause he kept harping upon Fuel-Price Adjusted Real Time as if that was his only motive till he died. I could not resist the fun in his coinage which could be abbreviated as FART. I told him so adding that the ambition of the model as described had a lot of ‘gas’.

The Inormation Technology G.M. looked at my perplexed face and said, ‘I know you are thinking how we shall communicate the rates to the lakhs of petrol pumps. All the pumps are electronic and each will be linked to a local hub which shall be controlled by a our central computer and changes will happen in a split second over all the pumps. Where the bills are generated by the pumps, there shall be immediate changes!’ I still had a query. ‘how will your system react when the prices after filling are different from the price at the start of filling?’ The mum expression conveyed that the consumer was likely to bear the brunt as usual.

All this made my head spin and I felt the bottle of asprin in my pocket as reassurance before I fainted. To escape being contributory to the nightmare, I tried the excuse, ‘for this I am afraid you will need the help of an M.I.T. professor and not a local University professor like me.’

‘All I know is that you will add fuel to the discontent of the consumers and they may substitute your fuel.’ I tried to warn them short of threatening a riot. The Production G.M. laughed and said, ‘you laypersons are so naïve that you feel all you need is something to help the spark explode with a pressure to drive cylinder in an internal combustion engine and any alcohol will do.’ I really had not thought it to be so simple but since he started the subject, I might as well have the last word so I retorted, ‘Perhaps your scotch may not be a good substitute but our local brands more popularly known as DESI DARU is so potent that it makes people fly so imagine what it can do for vehicles with wheels.’ That sent everyone scurrying to scribble on the unused note pads conventionally kept at all meetings but rarely used other than for doodling.

Now even I planned to visit the local ‘desi bar’ and purchase a crate or two for my car.