Renaming Copyright

 

 

 

I was  busy pouring over a management consultancy file when the door was opened and two safari clad muscle men stood in doorway announcing to me that their ‘Saheb’ was arriving. I looked up amused as no VIP comes to my small consulting firm. In the history of this firm one IP Trade union leader needed consulting where I was summoned to his office and made to wait to seek his audience. Saheb walked in with pomp breathing heavily either due to his overweight or anger which caused him to redden his face.

“What legal option can we have against the Trump fellow?” he wasted no time. I was puzzled as we dealt local corporate matter only. “You mean the President of USA?” I asked. He nodded. “What has he done to you that you want to sue him?” I asked fearfully. “He renamed Gulf of Mexico as Gulf of America’ thundered the Saheb. I was puzzled how a local party leader was affected by an action of renaming miles apart. “And you are suffering because…..” I asked expecting him to complete my sentence.

“Renaming is our monopoly” he thundered. “All British named roads of Mumbai were renamed by us. Transition from Bombay to Mumbai was by us. Airports to Flyovers even school like King George were all were renamed by us. The other party just named roads and institutions after their family members”. “ Did you want Gulf of Mexico to be named after a Peshwa King?” I was now daring to go sarcastic.

He shook his head. “Just like the press you misunderstand and misquote us. Renaming is the action our party does not like to be done by others. Tomorrow he will rename our landmarks like even the Taj Mahal will be named Trump Taj after his failed venture.” “Why will Trump care about a territory that is so far away?” I wondered loudly. Prompt came the reply as if I was foolish to ask this question. “He is gulping down Canada, and Greenland so what stops him from renaming things in India?” He had a point there. “That is the moment we fear. I want you to copyright our monopoly of renaming anything in India”

I smacked my head in frustration on his ignorance. “Copyright can be of design, formula or a book. Even colours of packaging. But not an action.” “But this our USP (Unique selling point)” he tried to show me he was a management graduate. “Given me some solution so that the hard earned USP or decades is not wiped out by this Trump fellow”. ‘So you want to stop him before he looks at India?” I asked knowing fully well his Trump Tower was planned in Mumbai so the man knows India exists which was reinforced by planeload of Indians he sent back by a military plane secretly photographing the terrain on the way.

“Use the strategy – If you can’t beat them, Join them” I announced the solution. He looked still dumb instead of embracing me for giving the solution. These politicians are really slow I thought to myself. ‘How?” he asked. This was the cue for me to explain my fees to pay in advance before I blurted out the solution. After he paid I told him, “Make Trump a honorary member of your party. Send him membership card with rules which demand unanimous voting for any renaming. If he tries, don’t let the renaming pass through.” I announced my trump (no pun) tactic. As the party did not have any such rule I also got assignment of making the rule book for them.

Trump created an opportunity of consulting income unknowingly miles away from Gulf of Mexico sorry Gulf of America.

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What the S__t?

 

 

 

When people label you as a consultant, people do not look at your specialisation or even the Name Board outside your small office. They saunter in to consult on anything except medical consultancy – thank goodness for that. That is why I was not initially surprised when a man came in with his small team to crowd my small cabin. He introduced himself as a ‘Shark’ which meant he was an opporunist investor. He explained he was buying lease of planes of airlines which had recently gone bust. “If you have come to me to help you decide whether to invest in airlines, I would adivce you free that you should not” was my welcome statement.

“I have hit upon an idea to beat Wizz Air” he was enthusaistic. As I was not specialised in the aviation  industry I scanned on my computer under the table as I murmured ‘Hmmm’ to him as if listening. ‘Undertable’ for a consultant also means this is perhaps new to others outside the consulting industry.

When I read a few lines of this Hungarian ultra low cost airlines,  I physically jumped in my seat as if a mouse ran under my chair. It was time to tell the truth and not bullshit one’s way into an assignment I thought. “This is revolutionary” I muttered sounding intelligent and knowling everything.  

“Do you know why we came to you and not other big consultants” asked the Investor. I could ratle off numerous challenging assignments but obviously he knew something I would not list. “You are the only one who valued the Sewage treatment plant design and working prototype for a young professor of a well known engineering college. No one has done that before or even after you did, till date.”  Sewage was my smelly connection? I wondered. Mr. Investor then laid bare that he wanted to edge out competition by being first in the market to use this fuel and plough back profits to buy out other airlines by acquisition. How to stay ahead was the million dollar (literally) question.

Now the consultant in me started mentally flipping in my the pages of textbook of college days. “First entrant in the market of India is already planned by you. What you need is strategy to stay ahead making you preferred airline.” I started rattling. “You can offer corporate clients something they cannot get from others. As your carbon footprint will be low you can start offering Green Credits transfers. You will be hitting two birds with one stone. The corporate will make you their priority airline and credit of miles which hitherto went to the individual employee traveler will only go to the company in terms of Green Credits. The saving of free miles of travel offered to the individual traveller will add to the profit.” Mr. Investor was as impressed as you are, reading this.

What about the individual traveler was the next expected question. “They too should get credits but in terms of small discount on next booking”. “That is an age old tactic” he yawned. “I have not finished yet” I spoke in suspense. “How the individuals will get credit is the key of marketing no-one will think of for months or even a year after you implement. After that, you have enough money to invest vertical to buy out Sewage treatment plants to have monopoly on this fuel”

 I laid out the plan to him. “Your toilets in the planes will need one small electronic gadget to measure the solid output of the passengers. Passenger identification by scan of boarding card and weighing the subject matter (POO)  is a matter of engineering and electronics. The Poometer will display in ounces the donation made by the passenger to your airline which you recycle in your small plant. Discount can be done per 10 ounces of poo. 

 

 

The passenger will be notified ounces, discount of that specific flight and total discount earned so far. The actual discount rate is something your accountants can suggest or you can assign me another project to do that” I ensured repeat customer.  

 

“How can we ensure a higher shitload per passenger?” he coined a new ratio of shit per passenger like we use cost per passenger per mile. “Make changes in your food tray by menu high fibre food” I gave the obvious solution noting undertable (again) the number of questions I answered as my bill will be as per number of questions answered. I learnt this from a Lawyer friend of mine. “But what about the short hauls where trays are hardly served when the plane decends. No digestion for poo”. I admited he had a genuine concern as Mumbai-Pune and even Mumbai-Goa flights will not result in any poo. Then I remembered the free lounges at the airport. “You feed them the fibre rich food minimum 45 minutes (time taken for digestion) before the flight. The passengers anyway report two hours early. You can tie up with the lounges to serve them only this diet on display of your boarding card and you have your paxpoo.” (passenger is referred to as PAX in the industry)

“What should I name my airlines so that general public will associate my airline with the new fuel and I do not have to explain by costly advertisement?” was his last question. I coined for him a decent name which in abbreviation gave the meaning he needed. You can conclude if my suggestion is good, based on the suggested poster.