Slippery Mode

‘Sir, the prices have risen last week. You are calculating on the old rates’ the petrol pump attendant said returning my bundle of cash. In one sentence he turned me into Rip Van Winkle who had slept for 20 years. I had to challenge this otherwise polite attendant. ‘I watched the international news channel and I clearly heard the oil prices to fall to an eight month low and if you feel that the news has not reached India, let me assure you that at least the financial papers carried the news’. He smiled as if he was about to teach complicated table manners to a village bumpkin. ‘You may not be aware that the prices in India have nothing to do with the international prices’ he replied. That sent me into peals of laughter until I had tears rolling down my cheek. I finally managed to gasp out to him, ‘how can cost of purchase not be linked to sale price? Have you no commerce sense?’ He still had the smug look of a know all teacher as he lectured me, ‘in India, the Ministry of Petroleum sets the price and all oil distributing companies have to follow’. Now my tears created by laughter rolled down in sadness at the socialistic market intervention.

‘You must appreciate that the Ministers at the Centre are busy usually domiciled in other states. By the time they reach their office in Delhi, the market has changed. So, though any price rise can be dictated over phone from as far as Mumbai, they normally take their time for price reduction’ the attendant fed me realism. As I counted the additional bundle, I told him, ‘any Management student knows that efficiency is not a one way street. If they are efficient to react to price rise, the same system should react with equal speed to reduce prices.’ ‘Unless they want to offer the opposition a chance to agitate and get some mileage. And later, the governing party gets a better mileage by the publicity and the reduction in the price they should have done half a year earlier’ the attendant gave me his parting shot. As I eased the car out off the petrol station, I realized that by postponing the sale price reduction for such a long time, the processing company in India which has four major ones, is raking in the profits of a massive scale. All they have to do is sit back and hope the Minister sits back and relaxes too.

With all this talk of liberalisation of the 90’s, this aspect of social interventions seems to have been forgotten. Since the same ministry also controls the cooking gas prices, you and I are not critical. It is only a matter of time that this sector will also see liberalisation and I shall dream for that day. Just like the airlines industry in India went from a 2 biscuit distribution mode of air lifting to a plush 5 star comfort with ultimate dining and entertainment of even live Television signals, I wondered what the scene will be of this industry if one of the Kings of Liberalisation ventured into a competitive mode. Surely, the prices would change perhaps even intra day! I would profit from the timing of my filling the tank and they would have even the ‘happy hour’ prices between midnight and 4 a.m. to attract people to their petrol pumps. Now how would the gas delivery system change? I did not have to think much as the sweaty greasy delivery man would give way to the excess personnel of the cabin crew laid off during the recession and for a change, the men folk in every household would even take a holiday from work to ensure the cylinder is delivered in the middle class household. They would even print a calendar of their best delivery personnel which would be a collector’s item every year.

When I reached the workplace, I attacked my work with gusto but the absence of the bundle of cash in my pocket gave me a nagging feeling. Though I ticked off the expense vouchers already vetted by my junior my mind was in the petrol tank of my car. Even with the most energy efficient car in India, I was worried. Just then the Marketing Director’s bill caught my eye. Lunches and Dinners with prospective clients are a sin-qua-non for this department so, the liquor bill was no surprise. What was a surprise was the calculation that went in my head. The bill mentioned the rate for Beer and my mental calculator started ticking. Beer was actually cheaper than Petrol! All we have to do is adjust something somewhere (I am auto-mechanically challenged) and voila! We have an alternative to fuel price controlled by some Ministry. I am aware that this would trigger protests from tipplers who would later end up as Beer station attendants dutifully testing or tasting the sample every hour to make sure the customers get pure stuff. With beer as a fuel alternative (or alcohol) the system of checking intoxication of the driver for DUI (Driving under influence) would have to change as each driver would have the plea that the fumes of his/her gas tank influenced the old meter and the reading had nothing to do with what the driver of the vehicle had ingested. I certainly hope the liquor barons wake up to this fact and even sponsor the research for engines to run on beer.

As I passed the petrol station on the way back, I stopped there to hand him a large piece of paper I had printed. It was something I had found on the internet. I told the attendant to display it on the window as it represented the correct price whatever it may be.