Secure your Borrower

I was shivering with nervousness as I punched the phone number on my cell phone. My voice trembled enough to let the receiver of the call know that I was subjected to third degree. My friend the lawyer on the other side said, ‘why is a white collared person reacting like a common criminal? Have you done something for the Economic Offences wing to pick you up?’ ‘No’ I tried to assure him, ‘I am in a Bank trying to get a loan and he is asking me so many details and taking so much assurances that I need your advice.’ Knowing him to be a typical middle class, I braced myself for the inevitable advice. ‘Never borrow so that you can sleep well. If you needed some money to tide over some crisis, you should have asked me.’ ‘Thanks’ I answered him, ‘it is a housing loan for a house in Mumbai and you certainly would not have lent me one crore Rupees.’ ‘Oops’ he stuttered at his folly.

‘What is the precise issue with the Banker?’ asked my lawyer friend. ‘I have to sign lots of papers which I have never heard before.’ I answered. ‘For example, there is a sheet that I have to undertake not to divorce my wife before I settle the loan.’ Hearing this, my friend was audibly startled. ‘I never knew your marriage was in such a state.’ ‘It is not’ I assured him, ‘but they want double assurance of no division in my assets which would be divided under a court order in case of a divorce.’ ‘That is one hell of thinking in advance’ my friend observed as I heard him shuffle some papers or books. ‘Here it is’ he screamed, ‘in the case of Commercial Bank of Rajasthan vs. Mishra & Misra of Rajasthan High Court, when the borrower defaulted, his assets which were adequate at the time of borrowing were not sufficient at the time of settlement as property was divided between him and his wife under court order. The borrower also could not be held for fraud as the property was transferred by a court order. Therefore the Bank wanted to recover from the Court.’ I was appalled. ‘You mean the taxpayer’s money was ultimately used to settle his loan?’ My friend lawyer was shocked at my ignorance of the times, ‘do you mean to say you have not heard of the term ‘BAILOUT’? It was referred so many times when the US Government used taxpayer’s money to bail out Banks, Car companies etc. during the recent recession."

‘I am willing to sign any paper but my wife too has to sign it and she is not willing’ I lamented. ‘What is she saying?’ my friend asked. I quoted her verbatim, ‘Why should I close my options as no-one can predict where any relationship will lead and when any relationship will sour.’ There was silence at the other end as there was no argument to a universal truth.

‘There are more funny papers’ I continued. ‘Take the example of a will that the Banker is forcing me to write in his format. Initially I thought the Banks assumed the loan conditions and installments will give me enough tension to kill me and that is what they expect. The Bank claims that by this paper my survivors will get my property but only after the Bank’s claim is first settled. In this paper I would be also appointing Bank’s department of ‘Executors’ as administrator of my estate and this service will be given to me free!’ Was I now supposed to dance and clap my hands in glee at this free service which was nothing but their insurance to control their claim?

Talking about insurance, they also made me subscribe to a life insurance policy from their own subsidiary UCUC BOMBARD though I had sufficient policies from the good old LIC corporation. Of course the settlement would be made to the Bank is what I had to sign. Along with the policy application was a paper that I had to undertake to not commit suicide since no life insurance claim is settled for suicides. I had paused here but the Banker persisted that to ensure that claim is settled, this paper is a must. Also, as evidence that I was continually of sound mind and not depressed enough to commit suicide, they needed proof for which I had to visit their panel psychiatrist every half year at my cost. Whew. Talk about securing their loan!

After securing my mind and body for their loan as well as my future generation through my will, they still had the gall to shove another paper under my nose. My face turned beetroot red as I read it. It was an undertaking to ensure that I did my job diligently at my place of employment to ensure I was not fired and also did not go wayward in any way to jeopardise my chances of promotion and thus my increment. The universal truth about promotions being politically driven was not considered in this paper. Even my employer who would have best benefitted by such an undertaking had not taken such from me or anyone else. By this time I was so tired that I was willing to sign even a blank paper. ‘Do you think any person purposely would get himself fired?’ I asked the Banker. ‘No; but we know that but some people take the risk which backfires and they land up without a job which makes our loan account a NPA (Non performing Asset).’ It was then that I noted the second para of a single line that in case I wished to change my job voluntarily, I would have to first seek the permission of my Banker.

I was chained and shackled to my Banker just because I took a loan. You must have heard the phrase of persons who make super profits ‘Laugh their way to the Bank.’ Now I think it is time for the other phrase for people who take loans from Banks as ‘Cry & Cry their way from the Bank and thereafter forever.’