Wages for an Honest Rest

‘Being in the first batch of the new syllabus, I could sympathize with some of the spelling error though I must admit they created havoc in Maths but now the economics text book has got its facts awfully wrong’ muttered my son to no-one in particular as he threw down a text book. Being the only other human in the room I assumed I was intended to hear his words and thus asked him the cause of his frustration. He opened his text book and pointed out to the first sentence on a chapter on factors on production which was on ‘Wages’. ‘It is defined wrongly as compensation for work done’ he complained. I was confused. ‘But son, even the Webster and your more familiar Wikipedia will also define it similarly so what ails you so gravely?’ ‘People also get wages to rest at home’ he dropped a bomb. I pondered and started laughing. ‘You call that pension my dear boy and not wage. Besides it is cut during the productive period of the worker.’ I thought I pacified him. Hands on hips he declared that his knowledge on the subject of was not as lame as not to be aware of the concept of pension. ‘Today, India is perhaps the only country which pays wages for an honest rest at home for periods as much as 3 years. So do not tell me that this is the leave period during which the worker gets wages.’ Seeing the puzzled look on my face he slid the paper in front of me which had carried this news in an inside page which I has missed having dismissed it as a mess of red tapism. Here now was a ‘living’ example of a Private sector organization paying salary to 600 employees to sit at home. ‘Should I aim to get employed in such wonderful organizations?’ my son dropped a bomb.

As I read the news I appreciated that even the new school of economics had to be abandoned perhaps to be more rightly replaced by a Modern School of Indian Economics. Since I searched the net and did not find any parallel examples in other countries of a similar action for such volume of employees and such period of time, I had to restrict this new school to the territory of India. As an optimist I would like to view every situation with an eye of opportunity and now I fancied myself in the ‘dream team’ of the new school of Indian Economics. As I mused, I thought it best to jot down a few instances of Indian wages paid for no work done. Believe me, in India there was no dearth of examples in all sectors. However, such category of persons were actually already employed in organsiations for which they received the wages though their labour was in other fields.

1. Every body’s boss: All of us have bosses who get work done through us and other exploited colleagues while taking the credit for themselves. All of us remember the frustration when a Europe tour was gifted to him for a work done by us – his juniors. To add insult to the injury such an action has sanction of all the management schools by calling such hijack of credit as – delegation.

2. Most Government offices in the city: Whenever we needed to meet any person in an emergency, we never could find such identified person at his desk. In fact on a floor of 10,000 square feet there would be perhaps a maximum of one person at his/her desk. Such a person would have a standard answer to any query ‘I do not know anything. I am new here.’

3. Festival days: On days before and after Diwali, persons in departments interfacing with vendors are mysteriously found at their desks not doing any actual work. However they even do the unmentionable of liaison with accounts department to settle the outstanding payments to the vendors who shall feel instant gratification for an action they had shirked on the plea of matter of ‘other department’.

4. Housing Society Watchman: The watchman is never at his post when some visitor has parked in your designated parking place. His plea is that he is at the water pump when the trespass occurred. This situation occurs unless you are elected as Chairman of the Society. So much for democracy where all citizens are equal.

5. Any police complaint (non murder): When you greet the comfortably sitting and gossiping gentlemen you are supposed to feel guilty for spoiling their party, is the look you get, In case you did not get the point, after listening to your précis of the matter, you are asked to ‘settle the matter with the other party/insurance’ which stops at their noting. If you still want to persist in the matter, suddenly the men in uniform become philosophical extolling the virtues of forgiveness and release from material items of this world. Whatever be their method, it all aims at ensuring we do not start any work for them. Ever seen the smug faces when you get convinced by them and leave without escalating the matter?

I am currently building a team to start a website called ‘phukatpagarnaukri.com. I am sure I can sit back and rake in the moolah as there will be many takers. The only catch is that which employer will admit his listing under this website with a name as blatant as this.

15 Coach Local

Indian Railway system has its own woes and unique solutions which sometimes take their own time to mature. More complicated is the Local network of Mumbai which has no parallel in the world is what many claim though I fail to see why the issue of free passengers does not equal this to any other railway system of the developing world. Anyway, unique problems demand unique solutions and perhaps the mooting of a 15 coach train is very such attempt. We were just beginning to appreciate the 12 coach train when we are hit with a longer train concept. Any train commuter can swear that the 12 coach trains are normally amusing. Most of the time the indicator fails to communicate this fact. When the first coach is parallel to the platform, suddenly the announcer communicates this fact in a matter of fact tone making all commuters feel guilty. Well not all, mostly the women since their middle compartment does not stop at the same spot as that of the 9 coach train. That makes them sprint. This is the time we see miracle in action. The ones who limped to work late in the morning voicing their woes to ensure the late mark is not done out of sympathy, now find the energy and speed to rush to the spot of the women’s compartment. Some of the ladies already standing there display a smug ‘I knew it all along’ look of a mother-in-law as they daintily step into the compartment while the others come panting. I just wondered, if this is the unique sight offered by a 12 coach train then what scenes shall regale us in the future?

‘Is number of coaches or number of trains the answer?’ my son asked as he unpacked a computer game of a simulated city. I eyed the title of the game secretly and summarized that he must be more knowledgeable than most of the city planners. ‘Since it is mooted by seniors and experts, I am sure they must have thought of that’ I answered him. ‘I thought the Metro and Subway was the answer that the city planners were croaking about when they diverted thousands of crores of the budget to contractors promising us a breezy commute anytime of the day.’ I smiled with him as I too shared the same dream of a breezy commute. ‘Mumbai not being a circle or a square but a peculiar long shape has its own issues with the office area in the south’ I quoted an introduction from the World Bank report. ‘Tomorrow 15 coaches and after that 18…21?’ posed my son. ‘Given the limited imagination of bureaucrats, I expect so’ I told him. ‘Will there be no limit?’ he asked. ‘Did you not see the Dadar station ending at Matunga Road?’ I asked him. ‘You mean when the first coach is in the next station, the last coach is in the previous station?’ he was puzzled. Now my mind went into overdrive as I imagined the future scenario which perhaps no-one in the Railways may have contemplated. ‘Each rake has 3 coaches so the increase of rake increases the coaches by a multiple of 3 – is this simple?’ I asked my son who nodded in ascent. Now I had him agreeing with me so I went for the kill. ’15 to 18 to 21 to 24 coach train will be double of 12 coach train. When half the train is in Dadar the front half will be in Elphinstone road.’ I lectured. ‘But how will it stop?’ ‘Simple’ I answered. ‘Take the example of a double Decker lift. If you want to reach an odd floor, you catch the lift on the first floor while you those going to an even floor catch it on the ground floor. Those wanting to get down at Dadar for example will have to sit (stand) in last 6 compartments. When the train stops, they get down at Dadar while the front 6 compartments at Ephinstone Road will discharge passengers there.’ ‘and the middle 12 compartments?’ my son interrupted. ‘Those will stop at all stations meant to be used for those wanting to reach the Destination station only.’ I answered in utmost confidence.
‘I think you forgot how the train will stop at Churchgate’. My son pointed out. I gulped. ‘The first few compartments will be at Churchgate while the end will be at Marine Lines. Your Final Destination passengers will be in]between.’ He pointed the folly of my design. Not willing to give in this easy, I grasped at a straw, ‘The platform of Churchgate will be extended to cover the middle 6 compartments also and to ease the walking of the commuters, they will place walkways as they have in airports.’ My son mused for a moment and said, ‘instead of all this trains why not link all the stations with walkways and the people will just stand on the walkway and be transported to their destination station.’